Forgiving Someone Who Hurt You – 4 Fast Forgiveness Tactics

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When I tell people I’m working on being more enlightened, present, and forgiving, the first question they always have is, “How do you forgive?” To be honest, forgiveness is a tough business since it often requires letting go, only to wake up the following morning and do it all over again. With our limited time in today’s environment, it’s simple to brush the whole procedure aside. The good news is that there are a few short tactics that may help alleviate some of the anxiety that comes with needing to forgive someone.

1. For the next 24 hours, create a hash mark for every time you have a negative thought about the person you are attempting to forgive.

Counting these marks gives you an idea of how much of your energy and concentration you’re devoting to sentiments of pain, anger, or humiliation. Having a firm figure in your hands paints a sharper picture of the drain on your life that harbouring resentments causes. This may be a wake-up call since we frequently don’t realise how much time we waste repeating the same stale ideas through our brains until we intentionally sum it up.

Next, pause and think if it is worthwhile to devote so much of yourself to such terrible feelings. For the vast majority of us, the answer is emphatically “No.” The following method helps to reverse this energy drain by redirecting your attention on the positive people and objectives in your life.

2. Think of 5 actions you’d rather focus your thoughts on.

This makes the difficult task of forgiving go more effortlessly. When we are focused on our own objectives and interests, it is much simpler to set aside energy-sucking ideas about others. This phase is intended to help you develop your own inner sense of peace and harmony before you take the plunge towards letting go. Begin by writing down your five refocus activities and keeping them somewhere readily accessible, such as a handbag or wallet.

Then, if you have a bad thinking about someone you need to forgive, focused on these five instead. I’d advocate making at least one of them enjoyable and calming, so that if you’re stressed, you can still resort to it when resentments arise. I’d also suggest choosing something you can do anywhere since, as we’ve all seen, resentments don’t care whether you’re in the midst of a business meeting. They’ll kick in anyway.

My short list looks like this:

1) Workout on the elliptical, 2) Brainstorm some writing topics 3) Call Mom 4) Veg out watching The Big Bang Theory with peanut M&M’s  5) Work on my book.

Read also: 7 Things Not To Do When You Feel Unappreciated

3. Set aside an hour (or two) of rant time each week to vent and cry out your emotions surrounding the person you need to forgive.

We’d all like to be like Jesus and Buddha, where forgiveness of another is instantaneous. Yet most of us are still striving for that level of discipline where this is possible. Therefore, setting aside time each week to literally shake off the pain, hurt, anger, and other negative emotions is necessary to re-balance into a place of inner peace. This can be a good cry, a phone call to a trusted family member or friend, or simply writing down your angst.

This is also helpful because it allows you to have dominion over your emotions by saying to them “I’m the boss, and you will be allowed to be released on my schedule”. This adds to the discipline of the mind, to helping control your thoughts. It also helps ensure that no permanent damage is done to others who may be the inadvertent recipients of your built up angst. Most importantly, it allows you to honor the pain you feel, without allowing it to stay stuck inside you.

4. Once you are refocused on more positive actions and have cleared your emotions, think of ONE good attribute of the person who you are trying to forgive.

I know. This is a tough one. If anger towards another is really strong, or pain is very deep, this can seem impossible. Just try starting small. While I was separated from my then husband, all I could come up with as one of his virtues was “He looks good in the color blue.” A bit shallow? Yes. But it was something to start with, to refocus my mind on when it began its rantings about his perceived shortcomings.

Ultimately, this step is about finding what you learned from the other person. It may be that the lesson has to do with learning to stand up for yourself, or helping to create a better world by working to prevent the same tragedy you experienced. Maybe, as is often the case, the person was a catalyst for a much-needed positive change in your romantic or professional life. Whatever the specific take away, finding some gratitude for now being a stronger, wiser, or more loving person is crucial to being able to free yourself from your resentments and anger towards the person.

Read also: Simple Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself With Others

Is forgiveness difficult to forgive?

A feeling of fairness transcends cultures. We’ve been taught since we were children that life should be fair. And, for the most part, this is a good thing; it teaches us how to be excellent team players, citizens, and human beings. It is what allows our civilization to flourish. Holding on to this feeling of justice and expecting it from the world, on the other hand, might hold us back when we encounter bad occurrences in our lives that we regard as unjust. When you’re furious, the feeling might be so intense that forgiveness is the last thing on your mind. However, we may choose to be furious about a circumstance because it seems appropriate to us. As a consequence, we use rage as a false feeling of strength to rationalise our refusal to confront the situation directly.

Forgiveness is difficult in part because nature has supplied us with the psychological drive to avoid being used by others, and one of the most straightforward ways to avoid exploitation is to lash back or just ignore the exploiter. When a partner or parent breaches our confidence, when we are victims of crime, or when we have been severely bullied, the pain may be excruciating. Anyone who has experienced severe pain understands that when our inner world is severely upset, it is impossible to focus on anything other than our turmoil or anguish.

When we hang on to pain, we become emotionally and intellectually hampered, and our relationships suffer as a result. It is critical to determine who has harmed you and how. Although it may appear obvious, not every action that causes you pain is unjust. You don’t have to forgive your child or spouse for being imperfect, even if their flaws are inconvenient for you.

Read also: Break the Cycle of Self Doubt With These Tips

How to Get Someone to Forgive You

Forgiveness cannot be forced, but must be humbly requested. Even if someone is kind enough to forgive us without being asked, they may do it with grief in their heart. They forgive us, but they also feel a tremendous deal of unsaid sorrow whenever our deeds in the past reawaken their memories.

While you cannot control whether or not someone will forgive you, there are certain things you can really do to make it easier for them to do so. These items may also help you overcome any guilt you may be experiencing in order to move ahead in a healthy manner. While the person you damaged has the right not to participate in this process or connect with you in any manner, you may still take steps to improve yourself and prevent inflicting future harm. Depending on what you performed in the first place, this action may take a different form. If the hurt is little, it may seem that you are committing to more empathy.

They go on to say that accepting responsibility for whatever bad thing(s) you caused is the most important aspect of an apology. However, if you really want to regain the favour of anybody you’ve offended, you’ll need to show sorrow, explain what occurred, and attempt to repay the person you damaged. When someone are deeply injured, it is difficult for them to pretend as if nothing has occurred. It’s partially ego, but it’s also due to a lack of trust.

If this individual trusted you and you did not honour their trust, they will remember that moment every time they look at you. While not being forgiven might make you feel hopeless, realise that the other person’s choice to forgive you is ultimately less significant than your own decision to accept responsibility and evolve.

Conclusion

Overriding all of these strategies is the Truth that forgiveness is not about the other person; it is about you. It is all about you choosing to take back your Power by refocusing your thoughts and energy on your own dreams. Revenge, even fantasies of revenge, gives away our natural power because it puts our attention on the very thing that we wish had not happened. This brings pain over and over again. You do not deserve pain. Ever. You deserve joy. Always.

As the Buddha put it so succinctly, “We forgive principally for our own sake, so that we may cease to bear the burden of rancor.”

Kara

I’m a writer, new mom and foodie. I love sharing what I know while making others feel beautiful. On this blog, I share my healthy lifestyle, simple meals, fitness tips and experiences.

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